He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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