Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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