The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
