Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
