It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
