That's intense
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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