Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
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