Have you finally orgasmed yet?
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Randomize
