Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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