kristin has been a bad kristin
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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