i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
