after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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