The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Randomize
