He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I want to fling myself into the sun
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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