How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Randomize
