That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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