Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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