I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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