Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
