i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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