WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
