Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
