Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
