I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
