Umm I'm too high to move.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Randomize
