At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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