then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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