are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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