i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
