People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
