Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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