DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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