So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
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Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
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He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize