Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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