I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
