Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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