Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize