remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
