so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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