I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Randomize
