your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
