and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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