my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
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