My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
