dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
You're like the curious george of whores
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
