Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
