Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
