I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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