Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize