I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
