I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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