The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
