a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Mom said you looked used
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
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