Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
This is the high leading the old right now
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
