fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
