just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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