Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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