it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
