Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
