Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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