i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
