i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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