so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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