Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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