google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
