You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
