Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
